Jim Jones

I learnt about Peoples Temple and Reverend Jones incident during Psychology today. Very interesting but eerie at the same time, I didn't know such things happened.

Scary.
Go google it.

Daddy bought back ba chor mee from Lavender. Hmm.

I've gotten my last book. Thanks for the trip, I'm trying very hard not to ask all those questions, understand how I feel.

I'm trying to believe again.

Unbelievable,

The lost look in your eyes helpless and yet afraid to make everything better. You looked at me like a piece of glass falling thinking if you should reach out your hand to save me.

I closed my eyes and looked down. You took a long time to reach out your hand to stop my streaming tears. I didn't dare to take another step forward to wrap my arms around you I didn't want to make things even more difficult I didn't want you to be confused what you should do I don't want to cross the line.

I think I understand now, you're really one unbelieveable person.

The flavour of bland,

I realise that I favour different versions of my favourite foods or things now. And that makes me feel old.

I used to like sweet packet juices, now I find freshly squeezed juices taste better. I liked those tubed egg tofu you get for steamboats, but now I prefer plain white tofu. I used to grab white chocolates whenever I see them in the supermarket, and now I enjoy dark chocolates more. I would pick flavoured milk(strawberry chocolate you name it!) if I have the choice, now I like the good ol' un-flavoured milk. I used to like humour tees and printed tshirts, now I would never wear them again. I used to hate almond pudding and mango would be my favourite, now its the opposite.

I prefer more tasteless things now. Bland simple orginal.

I did this analysis some time ago,

Young kids are like juices, sweet innocent the world is like the playground. Teens go for carbonated drinks shows the spur of energy that they have, adventurous loud. Young adults need coffee to keep them going on working late nights to complete their jobs. Middle age men and woman prefers the good original plain water because they have tasted much. Old grandfathers and grandmothers are like tea, and they prefer tea, like, enjoying old age and reflecting about their lives. There's this dry sweetness in the aftertaste of tea.

And I've realised they get from sweet, eventually to bitter. From the strong to the bland.
It is like life too is it?

Qwerty Phones,

Nokia E71 and E63. Both are oh-so-lovely.

A lot of people have been telling me advantages and disadvantages for these two.

Which one should I get my hands on?

Kris Allen

Kris Allen won! Oh I am still recovering from shock and joy. I am so glad!
You are a white horse now, not a dark horse.

Walk,

I've been to Bontanic Gardens thrice within one week. Photography Assignment.

Time in space,

I had a great time at Coffee Nations yesterday. It was nice to take my mind of things just for that few hours. How I wish time could stand still.

It's getting tiring, everything has been dragging for too long time. I want to get out of this myself since Shaun isn't helping me to.

I would want to head to CN with them again, and probably I would really need to be there this week to spend time with my best buds and their love. Answers are coming soon I think.

"You say you gotta go and find yourself You say that you're becoming someone else"

Bread and Cheese,

Lecture is soooo boring.

I want to today to fly pass. School is making me feel tired. Can't wait for next week to pass I want to get my questions answers. I'm stuck between what I want, and what is right for me.

I think I'm turning heads again, great. Bread and cheese, with Milo is comforting.

School's in!

Mr Sathan says only lunatics bathe in the middle of the night at 2am.
Mr Ng always say, "Hey folks"
Mr Goh mumbles to himself during class.
Ms Mok's shopping mall lectures are real bore.
Mrs Chia has a weird accent and weird dress sense, but she's a nice lady.
Mrs Lee likes boys.

Grandmother's silent words,

I spent my afternoon at Grandmother's a few days ago, I feel much better being around her.

She is one amazing woman. I can sit still for the whole day listening to her talk about the family history. How she brought up ten children with the family so poor that she took up multiple jobs and worked day and night. How she survived through the discrimination others had on her family and proved everyone wrong.

I always ask about the fire that burnt down the previous house at River Valley. How everyone got out unscathed. How everything took a better turn after that. How did everyone feel that they are really lucky to be living and to have each other in their lives.

Everytime, everytime all these events are awakening to me. It makes me realise time and time again, that I have a family so strong who supports me silently behind and never expects anything in return. Grandmother made me feel that it's such a minor matter, what's going on between Shaun and I, and I'm wasting time worrying about all that.

I was sitting at dinner, listening to how my grandparents bicker. How my grandfather would call her "Old Woman" in Hokkien. How my grandmother complain to me things that he do to irritate her. How she would roll her eyes saying, "60 years and you still have that bad habit." How grandfather would make that 'yakking' motion with his hand while she is complaining away, and make me laugh.

They stuck to each other's side against all odds to make the family stay together. To care for and nuture their children, teaching them life values which my uncles and aunts I have and love, possess.

I admire the love they share, and thankful that I was part of it. I love my grandmother, and the beautiful words she brought across to me that afternoon without the need of a voice.

I have to put my heart down. I have to move on. I need closure.

The other side you didn't know,

I am posting what I'm going through for the ones I love, and the people who care for me, to know.

I'm not doing this hoping that Shaun would read because that is nearly impossible. He never remembers what this blog address is, and was never interested to read about what I have to say online. He did tell me once, "There is no need for me to read it all there when I know them better from you."

I have thought that it was a bad thing, he never knows how I feel after quarrels. He never knows that actually I was not really angry over whatever he did, I was just being mad for the sake of doing so. He never knows how much I miss him when we don't see each other for days/weeks, when I say "It's okay, I know you have work to do." If he reads, all those things would be easily understood and he would know what I want, and how I feel. Everything would have been easier isn't it?

Now, there's no need for me to pose an emotion or a feeling just because I'm afraid that he will be reading. It is a good thing after all.

I know I'm much at fault too.

There was an mis-interpretation. I know Shaun was really upset over the text I sent him when I was in Vietnam, not appreciating what he has gone through pains to do.

So I should blame myself for doing that and caused what is happening now? No. I know it's a different thing all together.

I'm dropping the pieces slowly so I'll be ready to give up when the truth gets coming. It sounds as if I have no faith in him or our r/s. The opposite party is being wishy-washy, it won't do me good clinging on. Because, it takes two to make things work.

He needs such a long time to make a decision about our relationship which I thought was strong to overcome anything. Shaun's cowardice and procrastination is hurting me.

And if this was the pain he wanted me go through, Congratulations to him.
But, I don't want him to have the last laugh.

Drinking tea,

Right, I don’t know how I should start this. I’m not sure if I’ll say what is going on with two hands down that I’m positive about it.

Things took another step deeper into complications over the weekend.

The tables are turned and the decision, I can’t do anything to assure it would be in my way. I panicked when he said he needs to sort out his feelings. It’s no longer a thing between me and Shaun. The circle has gotten bigger with an additional member of his side. Though I don’t know the exact story behind it even though I held back the tears and persuaded it to be told, but I could figure it out somehow. Imaginations can run wild, but I’m pretty happy and satisfied with what I imagined it to be.

And to think of it, what if it is judged my way? Things would be still different from the way I wanted and hoped it to be, back to the same ol’ cycle. Honestly, I would have much prefer the same cycle compared to the opposite of it, judging the circumstances now.
I’ve never heard of S talking to me like a stranger on the phone urging me to hang up every minute, repeating asking me not to pressurize him to say anything because he wouldn’t. On the other hand, he asks me not to think much about it; he would solve this on his own and let me know the answer when it ends.

Yeah. Your ex-boyfriend whom you still love tells you someone else is in the picture; you drink a cup of tea.

I felt like a disgusting woman begging to know the truth over the phone last night. I was feeling sorry for myself crying and I was lost for words. What I wanted to say was more than what I said, but I decide I shouldn’t be making me feel disgusted with myself further. The lump in my throat was huge. He wanted three weeks to think.

You will know how it will come to an end in three weeks; you make yourself a pot of tea.

I’m getting myself to be ready if the blow hits me, that someone is a person I know, a friend maybe. Who ever it will be. You go super girl. I want to know what that person did or what S did to make it seem so difficult to make a decision now when I am sure five days ago he was still the Shaun I knew.

You're going to know who the person coming in the circle is, you drink a cup of tea.

As for now, there is nothing else I can do. Feels like I have no arms. I’m a prize hanging from the tree, dangling, have no say which way the wind will make me sway. It’s either wait for someone to untie me down and treasure this prize, or to be wacked like a piñata again and again until my insides comes spilling out with sweets. Everyone would be rushing for the treats, and kick the empty piñata shell out of their way.

There is nothing you can do to save the situation now; you pour yourself a cup of tea.

And wait, for the dreaded phone call.

Times yellowed,

I got better on Thursday morning. Now I'm back from trial camp, I'm down with flu again.
Camp wasn't all jolly and fun. But I did have a good talk with the class girls, staying up a little late.

Met the clique for dinner last night at Fins before Ritz leaves for Melb on Sunday.
Fins Fish & Chips are gooood. Nice.
I always enjoy Clique's company no matter where we go, even if I'm not the one doing the talking, or being talked to at that moment.
We don't mind talking about secondary school times over and over again,
and laugh silly at the stupid things we used to do during break times and on everyone's birthdays.
I really do wish to have a complete gathering where everyone turns up but I know it's rather difficult to do so now.

I have exactly 16 days left before school reopens. Oh man :(
Make use of it make use of it make use of it.

I would run away as far as I could,

I was back in Sing on Sunday but was too lazy to post.

Camp is tomorrow, and I'm feeling really sick now.
I stayed home the whole day except for dinner out and I was feeling so weak to even make lunch for myself.

I hate being unwell and sad and lifeless. I should not even get my hopes up only to make myself disappointed.
But at least now I get the clear picture, you have not change at all. I thought, I thought you said this was the wake up call.
You will make the best out of things now, you will make everything better.
Your words are still lies and you're unrealiable.

I feel so disgusted to even talk to you.

Need a ride, a ride, a ride.

I'm seeing this all over HCMC, and I really envy how the people here travel around so easily with their motorcycles.
They must have gotten their motorcycle license so easily. This bike is so commonly seen here, I felt like I'm in Scooter Heaven.

Traffic here is still scary. Moreover it's Friday, there are even more motorcycles around!
Every bike I see on the streets, perhaps every 2 out of 5 is a Piaggio Vespa. It's different for Singapore.
I always have the urge to want to sit on it and feel how it is like to be 'riding' it. So many pretty colours, I saw a few of them which is 'special', one of it is the design of Italy's flag.
I wish to have one to myself.

They are such beautiful travel invention!

We went to roam the streets as usually just now, and bought bread from this French Bakery, and they are good! Saw another group of Ngee Ann students who just came today, and happen to live in the same hotel as us.
They are quite a few antique shops here selling really old cameras, most of them not working anymore.
We had Ice-cream at one of the French-style coffeeshops. The roads were bustling, of course, with handsome motorcycles.

Going up the others' room now. Good night! I will dream of myself riding a Vespa tonight.

Ho Chin Minh City

First day was fairly enjoyable. It's just that the weather is damn hot.

I'm not feeling very good, my nose is 'runny' and sometimes it's blocked. Food is good, I didn't like some though.
Vetnam Coffee and Spring Rolls totally made the day better.

I like the venue where the hotel is located, it's near to the Night Market,
and awesome thing is that there are many French-styled coffeeshops around.
We are now skilled in crossing roads in Ho Chi Minh City, after the frightful experience.

I'm feeling hungry, again.

The way we stand,

Was spending my afternoon with friends over at town. Hot sun, coffee at Starbucks, dinner at Rabbit, and Starbucks again.
Food at Rabbit's was good, I still have the Tom Yum heat in my throat. I will go back there again definitely.
Post-dinner at Starbucks Paragon was exciting, I was listening to Chris and Mike talk about the Thai horror film 'Coming Soon'.
I had goosebumps while listening. It kind of freaked me out.
I was walking damn slowly from the bus stop to the lift hoping to see familiar faces who will take the same lift as me.


I've made up my mind, I will bring my laptop with me on this trip, but I'm thinking of the hassle..
I'm not all hyped up and excited about the trip yet, so many things undone. I couldn't even concentrate on packing.

Had a good time today :)

Went Suntec with Mom, but was in no mood to shop at all. I have no idea why either.
I was much happier when I came back home.
Meeting girlfriends on Monday yay.

I'm left with 3 more days before I leave again, for Vietnam this time.
5.15am at the airport! Woah, I have to get up at like 3.30am :(
I think it will be a good trip, I will certainly enjoy it, programs will be over at 5.30pm everyday.
I'm thinking if I should carry my laptop with me on this trip, need entertainment.